Tuesday, July 08, 2014

Friendship


Facebook tells me I have 1,500+ friends – er, well – no not really.  I have that many connections on Facebook – and they are all welcome to come and find out what I’m doing, read the public posts I put up there.

But friends – that’s a different thing.  Real friends.

I saw a card the other day  that said ‘It takes a long time to grow an old friend.’ And that was something that caught  me on the raw and held.  Because for 33 years of my life I have had a truly special ‘old friend.’   

 We met when our boys were at playgroup.  We shared being  mothers, adjusting to being at home after  having a working life. Then we shared readjusting to a working life after our sons went to school. We shared the ‘empty nest ‘ feeling when they went to university.  She knew about my attempts to write romance when no one else apart from my husband and sister did. She read my very first attempt at creating a novel.  And she was there to celebrate with my when the first ever book was accepted and then published.   She was there for the 50th celebration too. When that  book she'd read was rewritten and accepted later, I dedicated it to her.  We shared  so many celebrations,birthdays,  anniversaries,  happiness, sadness, silliness,  just ordinary days, dog walks, cats, meals, coffees – endless coffees when we talked and talked – we never ran out of things to say.  There was never a silence between us.

Until now. The cliché is that this weekend I ‘lost’ her. I didn’t lose her. That implies a carelessness, a moment of inattention. That never happened. Never could have happened. I could never be careless or even casual about such a friend.  But sadly (what an inadequate word!)  she is no longer in my life.
 Almost exactly to the day that she walked into my world all those years ago, now that vile disease cancer has taken her out of it. And I hate the huge hole she has left behind.

I still have friends – friends I value so very much -  but I no longer have her. As someone said yesterday, with true understanding, I now live in a world that’s shifted on its axis and will in some ways always remain off kilter.   She was quite simply irreplaceable.


My true friends will know how valuable they are to me –  and thankfully she knew that too before she died.   I’m not going to feel like chattering on social media for a while –  but I’m sure you’ll understand.   I’d love it if everyone could make sure that the real friends in their lives know how you feel about them.   Friends matter so much.  Let your friends know that.

15 comments:

Donna Alward said...

Oh Kate, I'm so sorry for your loss. Many hugs coming your way.

Anonymous said...

[[[hugs]]] Kate.
My own breast cancer certainly gave me a new perspective on life.

Caroline Praed

Sandra Schwab said...

I'm so very sorry, Kate. ((((((hugs))))))))

Karen Davies said...

Thinking of you Kate,x

Kiru Taye said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Kate. Giving you virtual hug. :(

Jane Pollard said...

Sincere sympathy, Kate. Friends like that don't come along often and so are all the more precious. But what wonderful memories you have. She'll always be with you in spirit, just no longer in person.

Yvonne Cline Simpkins said...

I am so very very sorry for your loss. I have a friend who I have the same kind of connections with. I hope your heart can heal some, it won't heal completely but you'll be able to better deal with your world.

Quillers said...

Oh Kate, what a heartfelt post. I'm so sorry about your friend. xxx

HollyJacobs said...

Oh, Kate, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Sending all kinds of hugs and love.

Holly

TashNz said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Kate. Take care and don't worry about us. We'll always be here to send you virtual hugs when you're ready xxxx

Helen said...

Hugs to you Kate I am thinking of you at this sad rime

Helen

Gillian said...

So very sorry Kate, this happened to me far too soon when my special friend was taken from me by aggressive breast cancer at only 52. She went 2 months before her daughter's first baby had a chance to be born. Twenty years on I still long to ring her, then my heart jolts as I remember I can't . The pain of loss is still worth all that that special friendship gave me though and we are blessed to have had that gift. My thoughts are with you and her family. Gillian x

Kate Hardy said...

Kate, honey, coming in late as I've been stuck dealing with difficult family stuff - so sorry to hear your news. Thinking of you and sending much love xxx

Brigid Coady said...

I'm so sorry, Kate. Am thinking of you and sending all my love xxx

Anonymous said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss. All our love and comforting thoughts coming your way. Anna.

 

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