It's Red Nose Day.
Here in the UK that doesn't need any explanation bit in case anyone doesn't know what it's all about, it's when everyone has permission to be totally silly, do daft things in the hope of raising lots of money for Comic Relief and the charities they support.
Last time this happened - in 2007 - I joined in on this blog by asking people to post their favourite jokes in the Comments section and for everyone who posted a joke I would donate £1 to the Comic Relief fund. So come on - make me laugh - it's all in a great cause! And there will be a small prize for the one that Sid likes best.
And in the spirit of Red Nose day, to mark the end of the No Kissing ban in Warrington, Mills and Boon will be kissing and making up with Virgin R
ail - here are the details:After Virgin invited us to 'kiss and make up', Mills & Boon are going to pop up to Warrington station tomorrow.We're bringing a couple of M&B heroes and local Warrington author Annie Burrows. In tow, we'll also have M&B books to give out and cut out book covers for passerbys to have their photo taken with.There will also be book giveaways at Euston and Glasgow so if you're in the area drop in.
Meanwhile I will be chatting to Judy Theobald over on Radio Lincolnshire at 11.10.
PS You can listen to the interview on the listen again facility here
(about halfway through) though I felt a bit daft talking about my book Cordero's Forced Bride being 'just out' when I'd been into WH Smith in Lincoln and there were none left on the shelves! Nice for me but not so good for anyone who wanted to buy it.
6 comments:
A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.
She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.
"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."
A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.
"Wait a minute," said the writer. "This is just as bad as hell!"
"Oh no, it's not," replied an unseen voice. "Here, your work gets published."
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Happy red nose day = Ray-Anne
I can't take credit for this one - it came via Jenna Bayley-Burke who got it from Kate Hardy:
On my 60th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a shaman living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my ticket to the shaman, and wondered what I was in for. The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to me, and with a grip on my shoulder, warned, 'This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2- 3.' When you do that, you will be more potent than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want.'
I was encouraged. As he walked away, I turned and asked, 'How do I stop the medicine from working?'
'Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' the shaman responded. 'But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon. '
I was eager to see if it worked I went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited my wife to join me in the bedroom. When she came in, I took off my clothes and said, '1-2-3!' Immediately, I was the manliest of men.
My wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, 'What was the 1-2-3 for?'
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition.
Hmmm . . . This is an American golf joke that I am not sure will translate, but it is one of the few I can tell without messing up.
Why do golf announcers on television speak in a whisper?
Because they don't want to wake up all the people asleep at home!
Of course, it's only funny if you find golf as boring as I do. :-p
The Babe Magnet will like this one:
How can you tell a good farmer?
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He's out standing in his field.
Hi Kate,
Happy Red Nose Day! You look so cute!
Here is my joke,
A cop pulls a guy over for a traffic violation. He walks up to the car, looks in the back seat and notices there are a bunch of penguins sitting back there. The cop says to the guy, "What are you doing with those penquins? I want you to take them to zoo!" The guy says OK and drives off.
The next day, the cop sees the same car and pulls the guy over. He walks up to the car, looks in the back seat and all the penguins are still back there, but they are wearing sunglasses. The cop says to the guy in a booming loud voice, "I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" The guy says, "I did! Today we are going to the beach!"
Bada-boom-bada-bing!
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord.
The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."
The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven. Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.
The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running,
running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?"
The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
About a week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.
The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"
The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"
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