Great Big Blog Party 10 - Abby Green

Those of you who were reading this blog in January and February will already know a fair bit about Abby Green who is one of M&B Modern and Harlequin Presents newer siginings. Abby had her very first book - Chosen as The Frenchman's Bride - out in January, her second The Brazilian's Blackmail Bargain was published in May (and you can still find it on Amazon if you missed it). This book will be out in America in August.

Her third title - the Kouros Marriage Revenge (she's been pretty busy!) will be published in UK Paperback in September.

As you'll know if you've read her author biography in her books and from the fact that I talked about it on my blog - Abby still works in the film industry in Dublin - she's probably out 'shooting' two football teams of five year olds as I write this! Abby's 'day job' is why she was able to arrange the wonderful dinner Anne McAllister and I enjoyed with James Nesbitt when we visited Ireland a few months ago.

So when I asked Abby to write something on the theme of 50 for the blog party, she naturally turned to her life pre-publication to do so. She's also included some great photos of life on a set.

So here you are -

Abby Green's FIFTY…lesser known truths about the film industry




1. All sparks (electricians) have hairy bums
2. The first person in the lunch queue will be a spark
3. The second person in the lunch queue will be a spark
4. The extras will always go back for second helpings…of everything
5. Extras always arrive at least an hour early, even if the call is for 5am
SOUND MIXER
ACTOR'S TRAILER
6. The crew, despite a movement order and map to the location will, without fail get lost
7. The assistant directors are the universal scapegoats
8. The director is never the smart, gorgeous, intelligent person he is usually portrayed as in books or films
9. The second assistant director is, except no-one knows who they are so they’re never portrayed in books or films
10. The photocopier is a production runner’s (lowest of the low) best friend
11. Paper cuts are the only way they know they’re still alive
12. For the duration of a job, much of it is done in a sleep deprived stupor
13. It really isn’t glamorous
14. At all
15. Especially in the rain
16. And muck
17. At six am in the morning
18. The drivers are the wisest people on the crew and it’s good to recognize that early on
19. Wisest after the second assistant director
20. Wardrobe, Hair and MakeUp people are sometimes called ‘the fluffies’
21. But if you call them that they will kill you
22. When a MakeUp artist tells you they need ten minutes with an actor, add ten minutes
23. When a Hair person tells you they need twenty minutes with an actor, add ten minutes
24. Despite their intelligence, if a driver tells you it’ll take 45 minutes to get an actor to the location, toss a coin and either add fifteen minutes or subtract fifteen minutes, either way (pardon my French) you’re screwed
25. When an actor tells you that no, they don’t want to be allowed time for breakfast, add fifteen minutes to their call time because when they arrive, they will want breakfast
26. The locations department have the worst job on a film, after the production runner
27. The camera department works under a hierarchy that dates back to the ark
28. The Production Manager is an elusive creature, they hire you and then they disappear
29. Especially when you need them to sign off on a time sheet
30. As an trainee assistant director/runner/PA, you will spend many, many boring hours stopping cars/people from walking up a road that is ten miles away from the camera
31. This is as exciting as it gets for a long time when you start out
32. And this is invariably in the rain when you still haven’t cottoned onto the fact that rain gear is vital
33. Generally and bizarrely, the more famous an actor is the nicer they are
34. The less well known an actor is has a directly proportionate effect on their obnoxiousness
35. If the special effects department is required to blow out one window in a street of terraced houses, guaranteed when it comes to shooting, every other window will blo

w out except that one
36. And then locations have to pick up the pieces, literally
37. The Sound department can actually hear a plane fly over New Delhi
38. Or so they would have you believe
39. Even when in a field ten miles outside Dublin
40. The Script Supervisor will always be late for work
41. And they can always be found on the back of the props truck hiding in a corner doing their notes
Assistant Directors'(ie Abby's) Production Office
42. The best boy on the credits is a misnomer
43. The best boy is just another hairy bottomed spark who does paperwork
44. The Grips invented the dolly (like a mechanical pram) on which the camera sits in an effort to learn how to walk upright
45. They’re still learning
46. The first assistant director shouts a lot
47. The third assistant director shouts even more
48. And the trainee, ten miles away will shout Rolling! even louder even though no-one can hear them


THE CREW
49. The last week of a shoot is always consumed by finding out what job is coming up and how you can get on it
50. That’s why a lot of producers go up to pretty young girls and tell them they’ve got a big one coming up and they want them on it



GIVEAWAY:

Abby has a signed copy of her new book - The Kouros Marriage Revenge - to give away. To win just answer this

QUESTION
What's the worst job and the best job you've ever had in your life?

As always, post your answer in the comments and Abby will be along to chat with you when she's finished shooting